Aria Persei

Filtering ❣ On the way to Remembrance
 

The experience of mourning and grief, a permanent and endless transformation

It is because she has experienced it intimately at several periods of her life that Harmonie Godart is able to speak about the grieving process in the depth of what it means and to offer guidance around this vulnerable moment of life calling for a process of repair. With time, grief takes on another, much calmer form. Achieving inner peace and calming the nervous system are essential parts of this inner journey.

Harmonie is 22 years old, pregnant with her partner Daniel and expecting twins when her life trajectory is suddenly redrawn. Daniel has a motorcycle accident and is abruptly killed. Harmonie defines the stage of sideration that follows as “a kind of protective mattress to avoid imploding, as if the brain were unplugging a cable in order to survive”. Some layers can take years to release. Whether or not we witness the moment of death, it is common for an image to remain around that moment, an image that loops back and can take months to integrate. In a state of shock, it is not always easy to tune into the right frequencies to find a competent and trusted therapist.

Overcoming the state of sideration

A few months later, Harmonie also lost her twins at six and a half months of pregnancy; the exhaustion was mental and physical. A long process began in relation to the loneliness in the face of these losses which were not in the order of things. Faced with the depth of her sadness, those around her are not able to help. Some comments are unwelcome, awkward, “aberrant and unimaginable things. Grief brings people back to their own fear of finitude. Two close friends were key people on my path of mourning, like two solid pillars. In courses that I was following, I also met other people affected by grief. » Our loved ones are not in cemeteries: “at the beginning the body is a point of attachment but we quickly feel that it is now an empty enveloppe.” With time and as we integrate the trauma, we distance ourselves from the dark period of the moment of death, which does not sum up a person’s life at all.

There comes that moment, “I have to get up but I don’t know how, it’s hard to find where to begin. It has to happen quickly because it is so very painful to stay in the pain without doing anything ». Harmonie turned to brief therapies, EMDR, which sweeps away painful memories linked to specific traumatic images, art therapy and other methods: “all these little things were helping me to remove the dark clouds from my mind, the light began to emerge. Of course, there will be relapses between the pain and the desire to heal, but I felt like there was something at the end of the tunnel.” Grief is a journey that changes shape every year, “we think of grief as a period of maybe 2 years maximum but the relationship with the lost one never stops changing. For me, it is not something gloomy, nor an enemy. Fortunately, this process is there as a necessary and healthy step. It requires a great deal of work on the emotions that upset us and, by working on them, they don’t have the control over us any longer. This leads to quite a rebirth. »

Building on what has been learned

For Harmonie, the anger didn’t just last for a few months, it spiraled. “When it’s the first time you are facing such an intense grieving process, you don’t know that there are stages, you don’t know how long it is going to last. It feels like here right now is hell, because of the sensation of the separation. We can think that we will never make it through. That’s why it’s important to give yourself the means to get better during this vulnerable process. It is as if the body is entering a marathon, the face is puffy. In the body, we are tired. It takes such energy, every day for a while.” Later comes the desire for Harmonie to train while continuing her healing process. “In counseling, my role is to help the person who comes to me to get through the cloud of emotions they are experiencing and give them the opportunity to feel understood in what they are going through. I remind people who come to see me to pay attention to heart concerns, to the disturbances that can occur at that level. It is also important to think about boosting your immunity more than usual if you are in the process of grieving a loved one. The appetite also tends to be reduced, so why not eating only fruits from time to time ? The body can completely decompensate, illnesses to which one is predisposed can come out; this is why it is important to take care of oneself, to surround oneself with good people or things that make us feel good. » These are often simple things such as a cup of tea with a scent that we like, music, a walk in the woods, a candle that envelops us with its scent. At one stage of the accompanied journey, Harmonie proposes to wrap the person like a newborn in soft blankets: “we work on the kinetic with a light touch, the olfactory with essential oils, the taste with Bach flowers or orchid elixirs and the auditory with music.”

The place of our departed

Three years ago, Harmonie lost the dog who had accompanied her for many years and with whom she had a wonderful relationship: “in one look, we understood each other. I believe that the heart is big enough to welcome all the different beings that we love in this realm ». In addition to accompanying guardians who are experiencing the mourning of their pet or faced with the decision of euthanasia, Harminie is also there for children who have lost a dear one: “we start from a book to accompany them with a vocabulary that they are at ease with and we work on emotions”. Today, her dear ones occupy a place of their own in Harmonie’s life: “I have the impression that there is a lot of humor between us, it is a love transformed and sincere outside of space and time and we have continued to live things together during this whole period of mourning. I think it’s very beautiful this invisible complicity.” One thing is sure, it is that each mourning is a unique path to walk, discovering which step is the next one in this connection that has been taking another form that is hard to put into words.

Harmonie Godard, +32 496 49 83 41, Gembloux, facebook.com/deuilenharmonie ; deuilenharmonie.com

This section is dedicated to those who have left this game in which we find ourselves now incarnated in the flesh. May they continue by extension of us their journey here in this reality through the love and the memories we have built together and shared. Forever and ever

As a tribute to and in the loving memory of

Marvyn Issa Vermeren Basakala

This text was read at the tribute to Marvyn in Forville, Belgium, on February 8, 2022. A road accident hit Marvyn’s path on the evening of his 26th birthday and he left us on 02.02.2022, the 33rd day of the year.
I had been sharing my living space with Marvyn for a year. We had met in late summer of 2020. I will read you a note written by Kimberly McGeorge, whose work we were reuniting around here in the house. Kimberly wrote:

My time with Marvyn was inspiring.
Marvyn was endlessly curious, asking challenging questions
and seeking expansive answers about life and love.
He had a passion for learning and was a pure and bright spirit.
The world will be a more empty space without this lovely, intelligent and kind being.
May he have all the adventures he desires.
As for me, I wrote this text in honor of Marvyn.
It is quite likely that I will be in my emotion at times during the reading however bear with me until I find my breath and my thread.

My friend,

It is thanks to your sense of observation that you found my name on the internet.
We started a correspondence. From the beginning, I sensed in you a sensitivity and someone who had a great respect for the other, who understood the half words and whose intentions were clear and pure. You were an excellent researcher and excelled at cross-referencing the information you encountered along the way. We met around our common interests, our passionate research and we started to exchange some of the fruit of our observations.
I enjoyed each of these exchanges and the time we spent together.
We had established a collaboration with who we are that elevated us both.
We were opening doors for each other.
The more I got to know you, the more I saw the similarities between who you are and who I am.

We took the crazy gamble of living together in a big house, we had to brave some fears as we were each very independent. You have discovered Thuin, you have traveled so many paths in your solitary walks. We have made a beautiful path by living under the same roof, taking care to maintain this great degree of independence that was necessary for each of us.
Often we understood each other between the lines and without the need for too many words.
I soaked up the kindness you had for me, and you soaked up the kindness I had for you. It is sure that there is a big void where your presence used to radiate around me.
I didn’t think I would be saying goodbye to you so soon. I had in mind a long trajectory to continue our collaboration. I was very excited about this trajectory. My heart needs to recover from your sudden departure. At first, I didn’t want to get up in this reality where you were no longer.
The flood of tears will dry up and give way to your indelible image as an unseen but very much present companion in my wanderings.

Perhaps some of you, like me, would have liked to teleport to the other end of the tunnel of grief, when the hardest part is behind us. However, this journey is inevitable and takes time. We come out of it transformed, as you Marvyn have experienced a transformation.
We, those who remain, are invited to redraw a trajectory without you by making the necessary adjustments in ourselves, in the depths of the bond we have with you, to find the light.
I had forgotten what it was like to live when I did not know you.
The emptiness invites new foundations that your departure invites me to lay in myself.
In Japan, they repair broken things with gold and that is what I intend to do, Marvyn.

I know you are still here even though the form you took is no longer there. You continue to inspire me to be the best I can be and to trust that life will keep on bringing extraordinary beings my way. What an unforgettable encounter, Marvyn.
Your uniqueness will never be found elsewhere; however, it gives me strength because of the choices you were making on a daily basis, because of who you were and are.
My friends know your name and have connected with you. You are part of my inner verse.
When the real connects to the real, an endless and eternal story takes place.

When we leave this realm, it seems that mainly the baggage of love and friendship that we have built here remains and what we have built here. Marvyn, you are certainly part of my most precious encounters. It is beings like you who inspire me to be the best version I can be and hold on to my most favorable timeline.
I enjoyed following you as you constantly were finding your way to understand the sensitivity that inhabited you and made you an exceptional being.
I am redrawing my life trajectory with you by my side, in a different way now that our exchanges are taking a new form. Do not hesitate to send me and all your loved ones new gifts on our paths that will be close to your signature which is so singular and so pleasant.

I hope you know how much I have enjoyed sharing with you over the past 18 months.
It has been a blessing to have shared all our discussions.
I am now working on accepting that our discussions are taking another form.
You will always be with me, as long as I am here and I am sure after.
There are no boundaries for real love and friendship.
You are the wind that blew. You are the white bird that landed. You are the sound in the water.
I know that peace is with you and that you have already reached your next adventure station. I hope that she is merciful to you and recognizes in you the extraordinary being that you are.

I ask for grace for all those who miss you, may we be helped every day to accept your sudden transformation. We each need to find the keys to make sense of this apparent separation and set up new ways of communicating with you.
May we continue to talk to me about you to keep you so alive inside me.

You are a gift on my path and you remaindear to my heart, now and forever.
May you continue to find the keys to your own truth.

Your encounter continues to open doors for me. You continue to inspire me.
My relationship with you does not end, it takes another, less obvious form.
Thank you for your help and collaboration.
Thank you for choosing to spend some of this time with me.
Have a safe journey in your explorations.
You are everywhere and the infinite, infinite that you have always been.
May your journey be wonderful Marvyn, my dearest friend, my ally.

You’re a prince of the stars.

PS: next time we encounter, I’m going to hunt you down for a while for making me attend your funeral so prematurely, you who loved so much jokes and winks. <3