Being confronted to narcissism and psychopathy is a vast launching-pad for personal evolution and can be a big wake-up call. These encounters are traumatic, yet they also can be used to transform our trajectories and gain a wider knowledge about ourselves. The pain and suffering offer the necessary fuel for personal transformation. Why am I a vibrational match for this experience? How have I been deceived? How did I not see through the masks and pretension? What did lead me to such situations? It’s often about a lack of self-love and self-worth, poor boundaries resulting from early exposure to gaslighting and a lack of knowledge around how consent works.
On the importance of the integration of trauma
One has to be cautious with resources out there and self development material, which have abused the term and concepts of narcissistic disorder. Too often, the unconscious motives of such material are very often revenge, resentment, hidden ego pride, anger, repressed hatred, unresolved trauma or victimhood or external blame consciousness. The authors are not able to reclaim full responsibility for what happened to them and they spiritually bypass a part of their evolution. These unprocessed loops are only feeding the system of control that tries to keep us enslaved in a frequency prison. There is a responsibility in approaching such topics from an integrated place, heal, understand, dissect, recover and upgrade to the next level. Only to discover there is always more to it, and always another layer under a new disguise that is sent our way to challenge us in our axis. People are not fully their programming yet measures have to be taken when controlling energy is invading our field. Understanding the dynamic of the dance between repressed empaths and their polar opposite is assisting to unplug. While some concepts can appear as reductive on the 3D plane, the reality goes far beyond with invisible levels at games that are feeding from the dynamics that are being installed. Once someone has recovered from the most severe, brutal and traumatic exposures, it seems that the new ones are quicker to dismantle, especially if one does not let the energy entangle and embed into core wounds as much as it did in the past. It’s about unplugging and descending deep within. There is nowhere to hide for the hooks are inside of us.
Exposure to narcissism affects the psyche and deprogramming from the abuse, going beyond personal history, is necessary. The control system, through the entertainment industry, music and songs but also religion and politics, is incessantly trying to keep us locked to codependent patterns, making sure to complicate for us the access to understanding what true service and true love are about. Listening to lyrics of songs on the radio has become unbearable. Codependency keeps us in service to self as one is most of the time operating from a savior/victim perspective. Pure service is never about sacrificing one another for the sake of others. The savior complex and hero figure are a distorted notion of service to others. One has to recognize the tentacle within themselves that led them there. Empaths are not here to save the world and to carry anyone’s story or pain. Yet they are great transmuters and alchemisers of energy. The entire system is built around their organic cocreative energy that is stolen away from them through artificial means. Working on reintegrating splits aspects of myself is crucial. A need to be heard, seen and acknowledged may be telling us about a broken part within ourselves. With whom are we in communication? For what reasons? Are higher values reuniting us? Is it touching us because it is something that is coming from the heart of the person? Or because it is coming and filling broken unconscious piece of ourselves? Is the behavior of my interlocutor meant to have a predetermined impact on my consciousness? Those are questions worth asking ourselves. When one stops yearning from a fragmented and wounded place within the self, things are finally shifting, transforming and alchemizing.
Codependents tend to live in denial of how much shame they carry for not having been loved for who they are. This makes them an easy target for predators who are discharging their own projections onto others. Relationships are disintegrating when the unconscious programs they are running on are collapsing: codependency, victimhood consciousness, a wound of unworthiness or non recognition. The esoteric path of life is an invitation to enter responsibility for our side of the story and to reject what is not our responsibility and send the curse right back and away. It is a meticulous work, as it’s easy to buy so much into these stories we tell ourselves about what happened to us in the past and the perceptions we have of ourselves that create further polarization that reinforces the dynamics victim/perpetrator. It is also an art, to hold the projection and not mechanically answer by ways of justification, attacks or the establishment of new stories. It’s necessary to sink in with all emotions that arise, including discouragement, grief and sorrow, feeling them deeply before they can transmute and evaporate. It is an art to connect to the bigger picture and stay in integrity instead of aligning with the addiction to human suffering based on centuries of programming. And if on the surface level, choosing integrity doesn’t look as it is the most rewarding path, it surely is.
One can learn a lot about themselves and the way they continuously seek approval of others, devoting a lot of their time to please others. While they are busy with that and distracted from their inner work, they are not able to focus on meaningful and well directed (empowered) activism. It’s a necessity to learn about setting firm boundaries and to recognize how they are dimming their light to please others. One has to brave the fear of being a disappointment for others and free themselves from social and peer pressure and leave the hive-mind environment. When we become tired of repeating endless patterns, something is ready to emerge within and the right doors are finally ready to be accessed.
Pathological narcissistic disorder
Narcissism is a wide-spectrum disorder, ranging from low-level traits that we all have to some degree to a full-blown personality disorder, a pathological arrested infantile state of development. It is a symptom of a humanity which is bleeding deeply. At the beginning of the relationship, pathological narcissists make sure to anchor emotions and key entry points within the target. They tune into the wounded parts of others and mimic a persona that fits and matches that. But it is a fake never ending and exhausting game that has nothing to do with true love. Their main tools are seduction, victimization, intimidation and shaming. In the end, they do not know themselves well and do not have access to who they are deeply. Their personality has been constructed on their coping mechanisms and it is a real maze. Their depression is purely narcissistic, it has nothing to do with existential depression. Phases of devalorization, depreciation and then revalorization are being experienced while they try to keep control over the level of distance being placed within their relationships. By causing a narcissistic wound in the other person’s field, they keep on avoiding getting deep with their own feelings and get an impermanent sense of feeling valued, something they too have missed in their early days. They try to avoid being confronted to critics so they can maintain the illusion of having power over their lives.
“The false shadow personality is protected by the narcissist. They create this narcissist mask to cover and hide the false personality. it’s a double hiding. They are disconnected from their core wounds. They are so disconnected they can’t even describe what’s within. They are projecting it on to you, their bypass of their core wound. They have psychic abilities too. They are mirroring you so you are falling in love with yourself but the mirror can’t be held for too long because they are using your gifts against you. You are becoming the lowest version of yourself.” – Lauda Leon
Health is also playing a role in all of this as it has an impact on whether or not people have a tendency to be psychopathic or not.Dirty bowels can cause severe weaknesses, including on master glands. It’s all connected neurologically. Narcissistic tendencies can be experienced because of this kind of weaknesses.
Being raised by a narcissistic parent is emotionally and psychologically abusive and will cause debilitating, long-lasting effects on children. It will cause a covert incest that happens on invisible levels and that will need a lot of healing to stop repeating and appearing in the life of the targeted being. The narcissistically wounded parent does not show the ability to be accountable for their own mistakes or behaviors. Therefore, the child believes they are to blame and there starts a very dangerous game of karma swap. By being used like an accessory by the parent rather than a whole being, the child is not feeling seen, heard or acknowledged or valued for who they are, resulting in activation a wounding of non recognition and a feeling of unworthiness. Because they are lacking healthy models of emotional connections, the child does not learn about setting an appropriate degree of boundaries in interpersonal relationships and develops a codependent personality where they will be taking care of others instead of caring for themselves.
In the first stages of the relationship with a narcissist, the mode of operation is to get a lot of information about you. They will ask a lot of questions as they want to scan you and understand what you are about. This way, they can better entrap you and they are getting a better understaning at which button to press to have you under emotional and psychological control. One should not feel obligated to answer their numerous questions. They will often tell you how you feel and how well they know you. It’s not safe to confide emotionally in them as all provided information, especially about emotional life, will be used as a munition. They like to feed drama as they are enslaved by their dopamine and adrenaline circuits. Promises of changes and apologies may happen but they will not be followed by actions. It is an endless loop of repetitions, going downhill. They tend to keep score and be secretly or overtly resentful, waiting for the next opportunity to punish or take revenge. It is a psychological and emotional war, daily. They are jealous of the creativity others as they have themselves very little space left to be creative. They continuously are in competition in their mind. They adopt the skills, talents or hobbies of their partners and make it all about them; the partner slowly getting robbed from their essence. It is a game of domination where trust can never be established and where unity can never be experienced.
It is of prime importance to learn to scan our interlocutors: do they show an ability to truly listen and consider what the other person is sharing? Some people are really skilled at mimicking this ability to listen but when tuning deeper with the body knowing, one can know it’s nothing more than a façade. Are they willing to show accountability and take ownership for when they are not honoring another person’s boundaries? Are these people in our lives able to come with a genuine apology and show true remorse? Are they feeling concerned about how you have been impacted by their behavior? Does it feel restrictive and smothering? It is a play where emotional transparency is being avoided at all cost? It is important to become able to recognize unsafe behaviours in others: defensiveness, self-rightneousness, lack of self responsibility and accountability, entitlement and shame, guilt and blame projections. It is crucial that discernment rises amongst the majority of us and that our entourage is able to set boundaries for themselves, for if they are not, this invites a lot of interferences in our lives, through being in touch with their social networks.
Relationships are experienced as a modality tool, from which something can be obtained. Narcissists are keen observers. They may pay a compliment but it will feel like it is a threat. They might do something helpful and leave an energy signature behind so that you feel like you need to pay them back. They change behaviors according to the environment around them. Narcissistically wounded individuals need followers to receive positive projections from, they like to cultivate a sense of false mystery. These profiles thrive when they are being admired, which offers a temporary release from their state of anxiety and hidden unworthiness. They want for other people to think they have something different. Their time and energy is consumed by the pursuit of their needed supply. They have to regulate their rage and mood disorders, as their sense of self-worth is constantly going up and down according to exterior parameters. The broken innocence that can be seen in their eyes is not pure, it’s compromised, corrupted and a counterfeit.
They use third-party as reinforcements and like to manufacture love triangles and bring in the opinions of others to validate their point of view and invalidate the one of their partners. The smear campaign engineered in the entourage is about inverted reality: it slowly drives the partner to emotional instability. Rivalry is being encouraged, letting the partner know that they are potentially replaceable which produces emotional insecurity. This kind of toxic triangulation leaves long-lasting emotional scars as it distorts and manufacture the fabric of reality to make the target believe that they are the one being jealous, needy and insecure. Their words might sound okay on paper but something in the tone or the subtext will warn about a hidden intent. People being caught in the unhealthy triangulations taking place, who are taking side for the game of the narcissist and who are thus reinforcing narcissistic abuse, often have an unconscious hostility for the targeted person. It is through that pre-existent breach that the abuse can be reinforced. Indeed, it is through the lack of shadow work of the entourage and within the relationship that the targeting can keep on happening emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. The way these profiles gain access is through the inner beauty of the target. They will eventually bring out the worse out of others, pushing them to the limits so they become an abuser themselves. This becomes a feast for hyperdimensional forces who are enjoying the destructiveness of the bond. Covert abuse is hard to prove as it’s strategically ambiguous. When relationships are being manipulated this way, it is perverted love.
Gaslighting is one of the most extreme, dangerous and effective forms of emotional and psychological abuse and is mostly carried out intentionally. It is a game of mind control and intimidation that is often used by pathological narcissists and sociopaths as a way to control, confuse and debilitate others. There is a difference between disagreeing with someone and dismissing, contradicting and invalidating their perceptions, playing the victim and twisting reality upside down. The whole intent behind gaslighting is to decrease someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence so they are unable to function connected to their own operative core. The emotions and opinions of the target are invalidated as unimportant, irrational, selfish, uncaring, insane or wrong. Shaming the other person is about devaluating their perceptions, needs, desires and boundaries. The person being gaslighted will eventually become insecure and will fail to trust their own discernment and intuition. This is debilitating for decision-making and boundary setting. Gaslighting has many damaging effects on the further development of a person, coming with crippling self-doubt and the inability to trust their own feelings. It leads to seeking external validation rather than internal and self validation.
Gaslighting also takes the form of shadow projection: it is all about inverted reality and it will ask from you to take responsibility for shadows that are not yours to own. As these kinds of dynamics have a very poor setting of boundaries, it’s important to own what’s ours and to leave aside what is not. Some beings have become really skilled, consciously or unconsciously, at twisting reality in such a way that you are asked to own shadows that aren’t yours to hold. It’s a subtle form of slander and deforming the image of someone. Now, in between you and others stand a lie and a distortion. Apologizing for things that are not our responsibility has karmic consequences and results in traps of agreement by the acceptance of the blame through guilt programming. Spiritual concepts may be used as well, stating that everything is a projection of the self or that all is one. By taking a responsibility that is not ours to own, a karmic swap happens as we are in fact cursing ourselves. Apologizing should only happen from a place of true healthy remorse.
Cognitive dissonance and ignoring the red flags
When people have a very strong fundamental belief, the presentation of an evidence that goes against that belief can lead to a very interesting process of cognitive dissonance, with the rejection of this information to preserve a mental balance (albeit biscornuous and full of corridors). The feeling that is then experienced is very uncomfortable, but every effort is made to preserve the fundamental belief, including mechanisms for rationalizing, bypassing and denying certain elements of the experience. Cognitive dissonance is a phenomenon that needs our collective understanding and awareness. It sometimes takes a delay between the observation of the events and the acceptance of what the experience was really about, beyond the veil of appearances. The experience of the body can be overruled by the mind, the mind finding a way to ignore parts of the information (the red flags) by ways of logic and justification. When facing episodes of cognitive dissonance, some will react by attacking the messenger, try to silence, shame or guilt them. Indeed, facing the truth can be pretty uncomfortable especially when one’s life is based on a lie or a deception. How long one can live out of integrity while lying to themselves ? How long can we comply and do what is expected of us even if it goes against the core of our true values ?
One suffers a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist first presented themselves with and the rest of the picture. Can this person be trusted? No matter what is said, our body knows. Tremors in the first moments of encounter are a good indicator that someone is unsafe to be around and has a predatory energy. Tremors, which are a natural way of releasing trauma, can also be postponed and reactivated after an exposure (as in PTSD). They have to do with a gut feeling, a sense of primal intuition and they are connected to the nervous system (our ally) rather than an intellectual way of approaching life. It’s a way for the body to express that something that does not make sense logically is taking place. Urinary infections are warning signs that someone’s territory (emotional, psychological, spirital and physical) is being invaded. The only time they happened to me was when I was getting closer of a predator in my romantic life.
On resisting love-bombing techniques
Narcissistically wounded individuals are using volatile and secuctive love-bombing techniques to gain the appreciation of others, anchor their imprint into other people’s field and plug them in. Many of us have been lacking this appreciation, validation and recognition throughout our early childhood years. Nevertheless, nothing that is based on a lie or that comes from a place of wounding and is being manipulated has true value, even a compliment. What narcissistic profiles do is that they are mirroring ourselves : they are using our own light and our own ability to feel and sense the world. Their love-bombing techniques can put us and others under a spell – the spell of false recognizion and distorted validation. It creates drug-like feelings and the love bombing creates many hooks.
“You are falling for you. Love is not abusive. It is time to take your universe in your own hands, decide for you what you want to actualize in your universe: sovereignty, authority, memory and complete becoming of who you are. The more conscious you are, the less you will accept a counterfeit at any level. It has to do with that place inside of yourself that is hurting because you were once neglected. But that isn’t the real you. We are not corrupted love, we are not arrested development love. We are complete. We are whole.” – Lauda Leon.
It’s important to get faster at recognizing love bombing techniques when they are put into place and to react with an appropriate boundary setting. The clearer we are, the more we are able to validate ourselves, the more we have integrated love for ourselves, the less hooked we are on the love-bombing drug. The less we need appreciation supply from the outside, the less we need to feel recognized, seen and heard, the less grip manipulation has on us. Whenever one is doubting a situation or a setting, staying conscious, keeping interrogating and observing is the attitude that will provide the needed answers. It’s not about getting polarized in negative emotions, but about the necessity to take the needed measures of cutting the chords, over and over again as the machine will keep on sending new variations of the same kinds of scenarios, testing the solidity of our boundary. It’s a long journey towards full sovereignty, it’s a long journey to heal codependency and the damages of gaslighting and to excavate the subconscious patterns that have been playing out all along.
The narcissist as a 3D handler
While taking responsibility for what happened to us is crucial, there is an additional layer to reading the dance between repressed empaths and pathologically narcissistically wounded individuals. It has to do with how relationships are engineered for us to be paired up and handled by these profiles. It explains why these relationships are extremely complex to navigate. Indeed, as soon as one is matched with a narcissist in their romantic life, it’s pretty much a parallel to a handler and a programmer that can trigger you over and over again in low and confusing frequencies. As long as one is in a destructive relationship, one is even more suggestible and vulnerable to mind control and is partially to totally neutralized depending on the severity of the situation. As long as someone is busy with these energy draining relationships, a lot of their life force is invested into it. In addition to being a loosh black hole as the worse of the targeted ones is being brought out from them, it also lessens the degree of positive impact one person is able to be having onto the world, especially as they have no time and energy left to focus on their life purpose and the activation of their gifts.
Narcissistically wounded profiles are used as portals to keep humanity enslaved in self-serving frequencies. It is a well-built system that keeps on feeding itself through repetitive loops as there is a continuous grab for vital energy from one person to another, mirroring the parasitic way artificial intelligence is feeding from humans. One little unconscious reactive behavior can set up a chain reaction for intensified interferences. It’s also about gaining mastery over reactive behaviors and about releasing the tendency to hurt back when pain is experienced. With practice, a lot of tricks can be dismantled quite early or before the trap has been set in place. But there will always be hidden corners in the unconscious so not everything can be avoided without having to be experienced. Attacks and hooks may be used as tools to identify our own weaknesses, thus providing focus for where to take the next step on one’s path of spiritual awakening and sovereignty. Anger might dissolve when one realizes something greater is working through them and that these beings are mainly acting from an unconscious place.
When looking back into the past, my romantic bonds, friendships and family ties, I was stunned to witness how engineered it all had been. When I was in primary school I was matched and paired with someone having an overpowering intellect and a lack of ability to master and hold his projections which resulted in an impossibility to reestablish the truth, betrayal and hurt. When I was a teenager I was matched within my dream time with an overt narcissist, only I could not see through it for a very long time, suffering a great deal of cognitive dissonance. The dreams continued for more than 10 years despite the fact that I had ceased contact and was not paying much attention any longer, showing how strong was the low astral anchor and entry point. When the dreams started, an obsession to gain his love took over and led me to contemplate suicide, one of their favourite self-destructive programmings which would in the end succeed to take my mother out of the picture, sadly. Being connected to him through my dreams triggered the start of the exploration of self-destructive mind patterns, including self harm, social anxiety and eating disorders. The repetition of a series of betrayals marked my childhood, teenage years and young adulthood.
After being paired with an emotionally unavailable young man, I decided for celibacy for quite a while, working on my personal evolution. But I could not continue bypassing the process forever and when I went traveling I was hit by another wave of engineered romantic relationships and friendships, plugging right in my codependent patterns. It happened that I could connect with the depths of the wounds of such fragmented souls, I could touch the broken parts of their psyche, soul and maybe spirit. For some it had to do with a pathologically narcissistically wounded mother who had only been able to use them as an object of self gratification. This early wound was their first and primordial cause of alienation and left a gigantic black hole of suffering through which other forces were happily invading and playing out. It escalated to a point where I really felt ambushed and I could not escape experiencing and learning from the immense suffering. The first action was to close the door and say no more, choose the unknown and to believe in taking a leap of faith. Then came the recovery work, overcoming PTSD and soaking in the lessons. While predators keep shifting forms and disguises, it gets more complex once black magic is involved with spells, curses and the use of fascination to a whole new degree and when love-bite scenarios are being orchestrated. The charm plugs right into where it hurts. And of course, it’s not to mention that a lot of this pairing nowadays is happening online where it’s harder to detect predators and easy to mistake a trap for a benediction or a blessed synchronicity. This pairing and handling logic can also be applied to our relationships with mentors and people we are working with for our healing.
About healthy relating
These experiences come with the understanding that it is a dead end to be looking for humanity and empathy in the wrong places. It’s about using the way we have been hurt to inner alchemize and get stronger from all that has been experienced. Relationships with narcissistically wounded people is a great preparation to learn to deal with personal attack and defamation or the hysteria of social media and toughen up. When we unplug from wounded needs, we become less manipulable. It’s about learning to open up to those who can be trusted and protecting ourselves from rewounding ourselves and retraumatizing ourselves. It’s about learning to recognize which place is safe for us to express and to which degree of expression and which space is not. Sometimes during recovery, it will be best to be surrounded by people with good emphatic skills who are great listeners and who are well-intentioned towards ourselves as they will be able to offer to us their quality of being.
Real and unconditional love is sharp, it goes further than seduction and attachment. It can confront. It elevates, it heals, it contributes, it connects, it listens, it sees. It serves integrity and does not ask for sacrifice. Healthy relating is mutual, reciprocal, encouraging, understanding, supportive of personal growth, trusting and caring. It holds a safe and authentic space for multiple ways of being and believing. A well-intentioned companion is someone who inspires us to complete ourselves, who is being a witness of our inner journey and who chooses to walk the path beside us. They encourage us to stretch and reinvent ourselves continuously. It’s someone who is not afraid to confront us when we are out of line and someone who is not afraid of our growth and inner potential activation.
It’s important to be discerning on who we are working with for recovery and to be in touch with mentors who encourage self validation and empowerment. Lately I have been reflecting on the idea of entitled happiness and have let go of this pursuit as I am embracing life as it is actualizing in the moment. It does not mean life is not getting better because it truly is. It means traveling lighter in terms of wants and needs and being more open to having no insurance about what will come. In the feedback loop, they can only get what we are giving away. When we cut the supply, they have no power. When the consent is being reclaimed back, our energy investment can not be reverberated against us. There is always a new level to wake up to, every single day.