Integrating post-traumatic stress disorder and newly created post traumatic states (from the ongoing abusive treatments we are going through in here) happens layer after layer. Taking in consideration that we are being retraumatized constantly through events we have no recollection of is key in how we are dealing with our post traumatic stress disorder. This is making it complex for us to progress with this fascinating trauma recovery process. If we don’t process our daily and nightly trauma, there is more frozen trauma that is being stored and added to what we already carry.
Labels such as hypersensitive, bipolar, borderline, narcissistic, starseed, indigo tend to be creating black cube boxes that soon become their own sorts of prisons to define a mental state that is experienced. They are good used as concepts to have an idea what we are talking about but not as a definition of who we might be. Generally, psychology books do not approach the mind control factor of our reality, tend to simplify how complex trauma works and tend not to take in consideration the existence of multiple personality settings. It’s not a realm where we are one inside because of the intense fragmentation. It’s the work of a lifetime to be working on recollecting all of these missing fragments. Most of the books out there are telling us how limited and defective we are, not how powerful we can really be (new age books are generally disempowering, pacifying and act like a sedative).
Working with complex inner systems
The complex system we have inside of us is a result of repeated and systemic trauma. How oppressors once behaved is internalized. The experience we have of ourselves tends to be so filled with trauma and we tend to dissociate, self-medicate, act out as an aggressor or distract ourselves from what we are experiencing inside. Another way to keep dissociation present is to work to complete exhaustion and overlook self care and self nurture. All of us have grown in some forms of emotional, psychic, psychological and spiritual captivity. How to be learning about emotional flexibility without falling into rigidity ? It is about putting these arrested stages of development back into motion and reconnecting with our repressed emotional intelligence. Deprogramming focuses on recognizing and eliminating destructive thoughts and learning to choose healthy and more accurate ways of talking to and thinking about ourselves and others and this reality in general. The more self supportive we become, the more we attract supportive others and the more we are able to deepen the intimacy factor in our life.
Many of us learned to survive by focusing on one of our parent-handler to figure out what was needed to appease them. Thus, we have been trained for our psychic skills to be redirected in order to please others (mainly the low frequency entities working through human beings in this reality) and answer their demands. This has been a way to figure out the best response to neutralize parental danger but of course once we don’t live under the same roof anymore, these coping mechanisms and patterns soon become a prison that keeps us externally focused and not able to tune to our own needs and what is happening within. This is the perfect ground to be developing a front that is trained to be nice and has been programmed this way by trauma. Worth can be obtained from serving and therefore it becomes a conditional sense of worth depending on exterior factors. We might think we are only lovable when we are serving and in sacrifice. Long, I had this programming that somewhere along the line I would have to conform and submit to the pressure of the job market. I no longer have this coming back as a part of programming yet there is a lot of survival programming yet to be overcome. Are we able to enable conversation without feeling the need through dopamine systems to be dominating it ? How to be assertive without being aggressive ? We need to be constantly aware about what to share with whom and to which degree and to clean and disentangle enmeshed energies as we go. These enmeshed energies are the perfect ground for the architects to prepare the next traps. Never sharing vulnerable parts of ourselves also prevent deeper stages of intimacy to be reached with others ; this is a strategy part of isolation programming that soon becomes a recipe for self isolation. In the past, isolation was probably a smart move but once again, it soon becomes its own prison when we are retraining ourselves to create a different reality in our lives.
We are traumatized to make sure access can be granted at any point of our lives, as a way to be micro-managed in every aspect of our lives. All this programming leads to us becoming quickly overwhelmed by what others experience. It is hard to be functional when there is so much programming inside and so much triggering every day being sent our way by design ; it seems like it’s random but it is not and it is about how the containment systems are operating and are designed. Some experiences are engineered by design for specific programming to take place or be reinforced : it will lead us to decide not to share deeper degrees of who we are with others because of systematic betrayals in the past. Some betrayals experienced during childhood are so extreme ; they are meant to annihilate the desire to ever trust again as part of the programming. Having a wall for a boundary is not a success at boundary setting either. After going through extreme trauma, it’s hard to resist set-ups of borderline personality ourselves or understand states of intense dissociation, to learn to recognize them and identify how we feel when they are playing out (we might feel empty, disconnected, lonely and with a doomed vision ; suddenly our perceptions of others or our environment changes).
Communicating our truth without inserting a hidden agenda is a work of every second. Ideally, we are sharing to be known but most of the times we don’t really know ourselves enough or remember who we are beyond this precise experience in the inverse. Trauma stands in the way for us to access our abilities and reconnect to our spirit. The data we are engaging with tends to go through our filters to be processed and therefore deformed through the grid of our abused past. Once we are refusing to be treated so badly and poorly, when we are standing up for ourselves, the hologram is sending new variables of people seemingly treating us right but a portion of them are sent as a way to monitor, influence, trigger in specific directions.
The unconscious handling from parents
All parents, sadly, no matter how beautiful of a person they are, will turn out to be emotionally, psychologically, psychically and maybe even physically neglectful. Parents are used against their conscious knowing in order to create specific set-ups or programming reinforcements. Some parents might unconsciously encourage the divide and conquer programming and encourage sibling rivalry while not being aware they are doing this. Parents are programmed in order to send programming messages to their children : « I hold you in high regards only when you behave a certain way ». There are numerous forms of belittling. It trains children to feel powerless at setting any form of boundary with the exterior ; we are encouraged to be needless and wantless so we can better serve the overlords.
Of course, parents are not aware of many of the hidden things happening to their children and that could explain why the children are moody or experiencing difficulties connected to the hidden world. For a parent only able to evolve in 3D it is incomprehensible of course. On the outside, it can sound like a good environment children are in ; yet what is experienced considering all dimensions and things invisible for the eye is a different story. Parents might lose their tempers since, from their viewpoints, there is nothing wrong and they can not make sense of the behaviours of their children. They might judge them difficult. One has to be very patient in this reality not to fall into assumptions and a distorted visions of the truth. Gaslighting is all about making us lose confidence in our perceptions. When we are gaslit constantly, it is difficult to be owning our own experience. Overt abuse is out in the open ; covert abuse is hidden and devious, twisted and sneaky. First, it is hard to identify what has been going on and to put words onto it. In this category, we find covert enmeshment that is indirect and hidden. The parent who does that does not do it for the purpose of a sexual reward or stimulation but for a gain that remains hidden and serves the overlords in draining the child and messing up his mind, emotional, psychological patterns, thus reinforcing programming. When parents are in emotional difficulty, it’s very hard for them not to subtly use their children as a dumping ground for emotions they do not want to deal with or are unconsciously deflecting and externalizing. It does damage the relationship the child has with both of the parents and encourages the child to become a double agent in the family (this is linked to reinforcing split programming and multiple personality setting reinforcement).
On the other end, parents who are suffering might ask information to their children about a partner they suspect who is cheating and this will create a great deal of suffering in the child who is torn apart in the middle of what is going on. Many parents are not conscious that they have a covert motive when they behave and act. In this reality, there is this thing called childhood where children are placed in a family, generally with one or 2 handler parents who will not be strong enough to prevent serious and damageable levels of enmeshment. This is a ground that creates confusion around relating patterns and that creates docile patterns encouraging interpersonal submissiveness. Parents who are accepting to admit their mistakes are giving their children keys in order to better navigate this realm. Having a backdrop parent for a fire creation being is in itself traumatic since a wide range of experiences won’t be addressed in the relationship and we will be denied in who we are, in the greatness and extension of who we are, always encouraged to come back to a limited version of ourselves.
It is very difficult to be authentic when we have been programmed to tune in and care for many external needs. Boundaryless behaviours have been and are encouraged. Often, we overagree when inside it says no. We are often rewarded when we engage in people pleasing behaviours. Being too focused on others whether it’s to answer their needs or dissect their flaws is a way to keep the attention off from ourselves. The architects always want good values like trust to be broken. They engineer our lives in order for our self-esteem to be very low and close to zero. That alone will keep us looping and looping for years. The inner critic that is integrated incessantly judges who we are as something defective ; guilt and shame programmings are also there installed cruelly in order to get us looping into more suffering when we do make mistakes or realize the extent of what we have been involved in. Some patterns are engineered in order for us to decide to refrain from seeking help or connection, encouraging us to keep a sort of doomed vision and accept isolation as a law. We all have dysfunctional survival traits that are used against us because we can not see our own programming. All of this is engineered so it’s hard to trust again and open up to deepening our bonds with others. Trustworthy others do exist, we just need to find our way to them and correct unbalances as they erupt.
The architects have made sure we stay away from our most potent ways of defense by forgetting who we are. They love to have fire creation beings stuck into patterns of resentment, guilt or shame or excruciating emotional painful states. Resentment or a lack of attention in one second can lead us using our creative power against others if we are not conscious at all times about what we emit in terms of frequencies. The brain needs to be rewired in order to stay inside the body, to inhabit it fully without constantly projecting the attention outwards to read others or checking out of our own body.
When I was a young adult, I traveled with my father and turned my back on him when he started to get annoyed, triggered and when he started shouting. Because I did that, it sent him the signal that I would no longer tolerate that part of his abusive behaviour and that there would be tangible consequences for his behaviour (me turning my back and walking away with the risk of breaking the bond parent – child). From that moment, he would pay more attention and be less often on automatic rails. Unfortunately, we often do the best that we can when we don’t take things for granted. It helps us to keep aware and on our toes and encourage us sometimes to be the best version of ourselves, with less entanglement and enmeshment happening.
Sabotage programming is a major programming that has been installed and created. Negative frequencies are constantly being sent our way and voices are encouraging us to loop back into our most painful wounds. Negative core beliefs have been cleverly set into place so we manifest from them. An important point is to recognize the existence of sabotage programming, learn to observe how it toxically manifest and work on integrating and reducing the grip it has over us.
A trigger is an external or internal stimulus that activates us into an emotional flashback. For example, constantly scanning around for someone who resembles a past enabler is a sign of unresolved post traumatic stress still stored inside our cellular memory and actively playing out. Identifying in the body when we are feeling triggered helps us to get into flashback management mode quicker. Another clue that we are in flashback is an increase in the virulence of the inner critic. This comes with a tendency to create catastrophic plans as well as intensified self criticism or judgments towards others. Lapsing into polarized all or none thinking is an indicator that this is going on. Flashbacks also are indicated by the fact we have emotional reactions that are out of proportion to the situation and context that have been triggering them. When we are experiencing a flashback that is merging with a present situation, it’s hard to differentiate what belongs to the present and what belongs to the past. Observation is needed to learn to recognize when we are in flashback as it is distorting the interpretation we are making from what is actually happening. Flashbacks are taking us into a timeless part of the psyche that feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as during other types of experiences usually from our ‘linear past’. It is realistic to be aware we will always be reexperiencing more flashbacks and the process will never stop and only go deeper as it is not only about our 3D experience but about what has been happening behind the curtains. Cover and false memories are usually hiding the root of our true experience.
There are many tendencies that need to be deactivated and that are toxic in the relationships we have with the exterior : being controlling through a sense of entitlement, lacking assertiveness, developing an obsessive-compulsive-like defense, micromanaging others because of perfectionism programming, having walls for boundaries, being too rigid, service with a personal agenda, projecting our rage and lack of acceptation outwards, avoiding connection and so on. We generally tend to show all characteristics express through a lifetime especially when deprogramming more than the surface layers because something else might then express which was not able to express before because it was repressed by other forms of more basic or cover programming. Being passive aggressive, when it’s a defense mechanism, is about making the other person feels unwelcome in the hope they will go away. Everyone falls in that trap at some moments and it’s not a nice state to be in. When healing, we often have to deal with a great deal of anger that might give us the strength and impulse to be more assertive but sometimes with a lot of clumsiness. We are often too programmed to tune to the appropriate ways on how to communicate with others when we are in a tunnel vision. Breakdowns and losses of control and cool occur as we are in hyper aroused traumatized states of being.
Identifying sabotage programming is a first step : one might inflict to themselves to cross a park at really late hours when they have been robbed. It’s a mean of self punishment that is inflicted. Normal psychology will explain that in terms of the inner child needing reparenting when in fact, it may very well be about hiding different alters who are taking over and encouraging us to loop in toxic patterns. Many books about codependency are partly spreading more programming, disinformation, misinformation or a too basic and limited understanding of our complex inner wirings. Healing is a form of multilevel and multidimensional experience. Destruction of intimacy is part of sabotage programming. Working on shrinking the inner critic and the aggressive types of behaviours that are demeaning to others is helping us to build new levels of trust and intimacy. These sabotage set-ups are intimacy destroying and might not be understood for what they are if others have no awareness that we running on multiple personality settings and parameters. Alters do intervene and take control and command in order to sabotage projects and daily life ; they have a very limited understanding of reality and, when in their presence, one might feel like they can not think outside of a box, that there is no horizon. Alters will also make sure to delete evidences that we could come back to later, about handlers or past therapists. Many sub-personalities tend to be self centered as well and others might be victim of their abusive ways to be relating (it is shedding a new light on the field of narcissistic disorder since we can have parts who are programmed to be specifically self centered and feeding from the attention that others may provide).
The nervous system as a primary target
We may put into place defensive, dissociative, freeze or submission structures when facing a triggering situation. It’s not uncommon to numb out in a low grade dissociative depression. Throughout the day, it’s important to notice when our nervous systems is under the most stress so we can identify where the pressure is coming from (it might be from a reprogramming wellness center for example and we might tend to dismiss the darkness that is actually going on, thinking we are weak while we are in fact dealing with extreme amounts of hidden stress due to unseen energies that try to get in). Structuring social interactions and situations is a way that can assist us in managing the intensity of our daily triggering. One way I found is to limit to the minimum the use of a phone and not be reachable by phone. Another way is to invite postmen (with a written plate custom-made) to automatically leave our packages in a designated area instead of having to interact personally with them (they are themselves linked to all kind of energies). It is a balance of every day to find how much of our time we can devote where and to whom. To be living in a community and even in families, ideally we want to be deciding the moments when we meet others to the maximum and have few unexpected interactions : we can write notes or emails to each other in order not to interrupt each other so we can be less on guard every second of the day. It gives us a chance to relax our nervous system throughout our days.
Getting an electrical response from the body
When the cells are lacking permeability, there is no movement. It’s as if the body is not producing enough electric current on its own and has become sluggish. Cellular detoxification, raw living food, fasting and movement are assisting us in restoring this electromagnetic communication. How may we correct the electro signals ? How may the pathways be restored ? Any miscommunication or impaired communication is in the way to be reaching a good level of our potential. The body has become as a melody that is out of tune. Cells will work better as the voltage is rising and as the liquids around which they bath are cleaned from acidic chemistry that is of a low and toxic frequency. As the voltage is increasing, electrochemical connectivity is assisting us to dive deeper into healing and our remembrance journey.
Suppressions and interruptions were engineered by design by hostile factions in order to weaken us: endocrine disruptors, pollution, obstructive, poisoned, inappropriate and cursed food, cosmetics, bathroom products, electromagnetic pollution, vaccines, EMF remote targeting and so on. If we manage to heal and stabilize our nervous system and the endocrine glands, the body is able to better maintain its own level of electricity. Every day, the architects make sure to hack into our electromagnetic and etheric fields so that we are corded to as many dark elements as possible ; it makes us easier targets for compromised integrity. Integrity is very targeted here by any fear and any survival programming that we still carry inside and with which we struggle internally to continue to make the right decisions. When the internal systems are able to communicate, the response we are getting becomes better and better and it helps us with our connection to our spirit. The amount of electrical current we have in the body does influence our ability to remember and re-access the memories that are stored and locked within a labyrinthic system of acidosis and split alter subpersonalities. When doing trauma work, any eye fluttering movement is a good sign that the voltage is building more and more gradually and that release is happening. Are we observing micro-responses ? Convulsions, spasms and involuntary movements are a good sign that trauma release is occurring and that specific traumatic memories are being released. What is causing the resistance ? What is blocking the response from the nervous system ? Many things around us are causing for our systems to be depleted especially all the hidden trauma and unspoken torture we are subjected each day. Are we walking in the direction of making our systems strong again ? Are we seeing tangible changes happening ? We have been programmed to think we are disarmed and not able to directly interact and influence the cellular and molecular levels of the matter of our human biology but we really are powerful to change our inner states. Additionally, because of the damage that has been done and is being done to our spine, a spine tool can be a great way to work on trauma.
Navigating eating disorders
Many survivors learn early in life to manage their painful feelings with food, distracting activities or mood altering substances. Addiction is largely an adaptation to our environment. An addiction is a compulsive process designed to distract ourselves from the intolerable reality. Integrating compulsive eating habits come gradually a step at the time with decreasing overeating and binging habits and choosing food that is leaving less and less residue behind. A reason why food addictions are so common is that food offers us our first outside source of self-soothing. Before a child can speak, he is often receiving food as an answer for emotional unmet needs and food quickly becomes elevated to the status of a drug. Processed food products combining high levels of sugar, salts and fats are especially addictive. Coping mechanisms were once functional when it was all that we got ; they helped us to survive unbearable feelings while we were living under the rules of our unawakened parents. On the other hand, the government planned to get the population addicted to tobacco : the average went from 40 cigarettes a year in the 1800s to sometimes that much a day nowadays. Our addictions are welcoming dark energies in our fields and are the perfect tools for us to dissociate. I once felt a sneaky grin from hidden oppressors when I was falling into addictive patterns and I have very precise moments in mind when I was making a choice and when I felt this energy by my side.
Our way of processing information tends to become more user-friendly as it goes as we are willing to heal. An encouraging sign of recovery is a gradual increase in the ability to relax, to self nurture and to switch to other tasks and functions that we are generally not able to commit to and accomplish. With this comes an increasing ability to resist overreacting from a triggered place and new skills around using our coping mechanisms in non-self-destructive ways. It is necessary to come to acceptance about what we are in and to grieve the life we will never be able to have. What we have been sold is a lie. But what continues to await us is far greater than all these 3D lies. As we are engaging in deeper deprogramming we might hope it gets easier and simpler yet the truth according to my own experience is that it’s evolving become more and more complex and revealing the degree of fragmentation while it was not apparent in the past. The more I become aware of many of my fragments, the more it feels like there is more work to do ; the aggressive aspect of the repression, the attempts at handling and the targeting increase to degrees that are not easy to bear especially when becoming more conscious, less numb and when working on staying more inside a body that usually is not so easy to stay in, because of poor genetics, obstruction, lymphatic congestion or different degrees of physical pain. Mental and emotional tortures are also used to get us to opt out of our own bodies so something else can operate or speak through us.
It’s a long process to rewire and retrain ourselves to develop a healthy assertiveness. Healthy relating can occur when two individuals move with reciprocity between assertiveness and receptivity. A good balance has to be found between talking and listening, helping and being helped, leading and following, doing and being. Is someone monopolizing the conversation ? Does the relationship shift into counseling mode ? Vulnerability is a great factor in building stronger relationships. Self esteem can not be obtained from outside ; it can be obtained through remembrance and the acknowledgment of who we are and what we have gone through in this strange inverse reality construct. It is a work of every day to work on bettering our levels of self-esteem and to learn how to set functional boundaries with others, owning and expressing what our reality is about today. Self compassion, self-protection and assertiveness are necessary tools and keys for recovery. It is important to refuse to succumb to programming of self-hatred, self abandonment and guilt, shame and self punishment that are all counterproductive. We do not have to be perfect to be worthy of love and protection and we are allowed to have our own preferences, values and tastes and to make errors in judgment due to our programming that we are working to repair. When we are constantly doubting ourselves or our reality, we tend to be micro-managing ourselves. It is important to give ourselves the latitude to make mistakes and forgive all past mistakes made by ourselves or others. It is equally important not to compare ourselves to what we perceive around us. Underneath the human suit, there are all kinds of beings, some rewarded by the game because of what and who they are ; some extremely repressed. We have to overcome negative programming in order to create more and more the reality we want to live in. It is key to reestablish loyalty to the self and validation for the self. We are capable of all and more.