It is sure a journey to understand the place we came to take amongst the human race, to reconnect to our unique frequency, to transcend the feeling of oppression linked to the idea we are insignificant, as we have been led to believe we are. Between the self and the collective, my every days and the universal, I am on a quest, searching.
I am searching while I am discovering it is possible to affect the fabric of the prison of the 3D matrix. The real history of humankind has been hidden from us. With this process, the veil is finally starting to lift step after step. It comes with a lot of realizations and a lot of understandings. It is no wonder that I always felt my body was so heavy and toxic, despite the gaslighting around. From the moment we are born, we are being poisoned : our bodies, our minds, our emotions. It’s hard to start to break free from this well-thought prison. The matrix system is a dimensional system. This 3 dimensional limiting system has been keeping us enslaved for centuries. All around us and every day, powerful tools of programmation are used to direct and steal away the power of our incredible minds and emotions, keeping the old system alive. Entering adult age, we are generally too conditioned to even start to break free from our programming. Every day, a bomb of images, buttons and triggers are guiding our minds, activating programs, in order to create predictable reactions: how to spend our money, division amongst humans, playing on humans weaknesses.
Deep inside of me, a cellular knowing is slowly being reactivated. For long, the ones ruling this world have known how psychology, the unconscious and the ego-based mind could serve their interests. Negative emotions, traumas and ancestors’ burdens inherited from the past, addictions and uncontrolled behaviors, from bliss to fear, are creating an energy vortex collaborating to many different levels. Our unresolved traumas are feeding the old world and vision. Human traumas and conditioning through childhood, education or our nightime activities are keeping us within a certain range of frequency, keeping us inside the 3 dimensional world where expansion and true freedom are challenging to attain. Within those frequencies, no real solution or definitive breakthrough truly lies. Only a cyclic repetition of a nightmarish world. By cooperating to the victimhood consciousness, which has many hidden and underground forms, we are playing by the rules of their game. As long as we are busy with each other, not focusing on the origin of the problem, time is slipping away from our precious lives. In all times, at all occasions, which permissions are we giving?
Interferences of invisible dimensions are manifesting in our lives, without us acknowledging it, because it’s happening on invisible levels. Some forces are there to stop and slow down our spiritual evolution through affecting our minds while our true connexion to our spirit is here to support us. We all can become better at scanning the invisible, recognizing frequencies and trusting our extra-sensorial perceptions. They are with us from the beginning. The time has come to reunite with them and fully trust them. It’s a safe place to go. I can feel the energies pushing for a break out of this invisible prison to start a new way of living : through reactions that are not feeding the matrix, looking towards the new realm that is to build. To break free, the answer is beyond. Every victory of the heart and of integrity is helping the transition towards a vaster dimensional experience. Expansion is just around the corner. Our power is infinite, if only we take it back, as it is our birthright. United and vibrating at the right frequency, outside of illusory prisons, everything becomes possible. A new reality, a real home. Underneath as always lies the master plan. Darkness has for long been part of the game, it can be seen or used as a tool for growth, since this is a plane of duality. In every little corner lies our choice, to stay in fear or to surrender to something greater and let go of the programming. Pure love, true love, can transcend any illusion and make it melt. Love always goes beyond, love is to stand by the Truth at any cost, and there, in love, lies the answer. And Knowledge is the ultimate love.
My first Saturn Return was a time of brutal initiation. I was ready to embrace a new era. This year came with a big shift in my life path and for the future I’ll be building for myself. I celebrated my 29th birthday in Costa Rica, running away from the reality I was facing home, not knowing how to escape from the emotional, psychological and spiritual abuse, not knowing how to face it and how to end it, not understanding why. In me, there were parts which were desperately seeking for humanity in the eyes of the aggressor. I hadn’t understood that we are not all wired the same. I needed some time to breathe out of it. All around me and every where I would go, all was engineered. When I returned, the work was there still to be done: to go and dig the deep-seated roots in me which lacked of love for myself, the cellular memory from generations and generations before me, the embedded codependency, the sacrifice dimension. It was an opportunity for big life lessons to be learned. The codependency had to be looked at in the mirror for the possibility of another level of experience to rise. The time for a new way of being had come. I had enough of these cyclical experiences, I had enough of the pain and I wanted to break free from the programming biding me to the cycle of suffering. I closed the door literally to a whole chapter of my life, not yet knowing where I was going and how I was going to get there. (PS: Between 36 and 39 years old, the period of Saturn’s maturity is coming, forcing me to watch another big collapsing as I had experienced during my first Saturn return (27-31). These influences are undeniable and are forcing us to do some of the hard shadow work excavating the unconscious that the engineering is using to further our entrapment here.)
Cycles were repeating. Other characters but the same feelings, the same conclusions, the same revived wounds. But never to this point of deep rupture within. As a child, I was exposed to various ways of treating others that were called love. Inside, however, I knew that is was not authentic love. All around, my entourage and society were showing me what was familiar and known to them, what they were calling love, many transgressions of the emotions of the body and the spirit, transgressions of the spiritual borders as well. Setting a boundary for myself was unknown territory. The process became like a landscape to explore.
One year earlier, after 8 months of grief for having to learn to live without the material presence of the one being who first showed me glimpses of unconditional love, while my body was still in post-traumatic chock from the unbearable illusion of separation of the veil between the dead and the living, I made the crazy wish for my 29th year of life to be the happiest year of my life. And I sent it to the multiverse, asking to be helped and supported outside of my will power and limited insights of life. And if it did not end to be the happiest year of my life, it was certainly one of the bravest one and it set the stones for a brighter and happier future.
Something greater was put in action. The answer came in many unexpected forms and major difficulties, one after the other, battle after battle, lesson after lesson. A work of adjustment, understanding and growth. A dark inner and outer confrontational and challenging year, but a necessary one for sure. The time had come, to put things back in order, repair, grow, remember who I was and start to discern. At the dawn of this birthday came happier weeks, the ability to laugh and smile again as I was establishing something solid and eternal within. At the horizon, slowly, new realms of realities were appearing to start to open the endless loop of repetition to something new, a repatterning. With every healed part of me, tons of burden of the generations before me in my genealogy, abused, used, disrespected, spiritually violated, were dropped off one after the other.
To come back to myself, the path led me to return to the village that my mother had fallen in love with for 2 decades of her life. The light was reaching the windows of the house during the stunning sunsets upon the valley. I am left with the greatest message from my mother after her great crossing-over in spring 2015 when she decided she had enough of this prison planet. I want to overcome these mind games that got the best of her. She is, for sure, celebrating every bit of victory with me. Every day, I remember why everything is perfect as it is and why it could not be otherwise. Youth is slowly fading away, with ignorance and naivety by its side, for beauty to embrace all possible new forms, including the one form of Knowledge. Here comes the new decade, with the knowing that each new meeting, each step forward, will come to support or test me, as I embrace my destiny.
The essence of fire is guiding my steps,
After having shed an ocean of tears,
I am dancing through the depth of life,
Spirit, you are always there to catch me.
